This is the story of the bat in my apartment. I named him Henry.
disclaimer: this post has absolutely nothing to do with art.
Friday. 1/17/20. Blair, NE.
I got to work from home yesterday, due to a blizzard and crappy roads. I had been home alone ALL DAY working, scrap-booking, making pizza, and staring at the wall. Time was passing excruciatingly slowly and I’m currently taking a break from Netflix and Social Media, so around 5:30, desperate for a way to kill time, I cleaned up my place a bit, took a bath, ate some more pizza, and fell asleep by like 8:30 reading a book in bed. Little did I know, my night was just beginning…
Around 10:30pm I awoke to a strange sound in my apartment.
Thinking it was just my cats and not wanting to get out of bed, I brushed it off and tried to go back to sleep. But, before I lost consciousness again, I noticed Ziva and Leroy (my cats) were both in my room. And the sound was still happening. It was a strange sound - not like the normal ticks, creaks and weirdness that I’ve grown accustomed to my home usually making at night. I decided to check it out, so I walked out to the living room in the dark to try and figure out what was happening. I was a little on edge, because I couldn’t figure it out at first and low key thought a murderer had gotten in. It sounded like there was someone walking on the roof. Or maybe ice blowing around from the storm? I wasn’t sure. I decided to record the sound so that if it continued I could inform maintenance. I took out my phone and started recording a video. I was standing on the rug in my living room, looking towards the kitchen. It was then, in the darkness, I saw it. FLYING AROUND IN CIRCLES. IN MY KITCHEN. My heart leapt into my throat, my pupils dilated, and my jaw dropped a bit, and for a very long 4 seconds, I literally couldn’t believe my eyes. After giving my sleepy brain a minute to fully understand that this was, in fact, happening (and whispering a few expletives to myself), I ran back to my bedroom and shut the door, unfortunately locking Ziva out (lol).
Siting on my bed, PANICKING, I texted Faith (my best friend) because what else is a girl to do at 10:30 at night when there’s a literal living, unidentified flying animal (UFA) in her home?? (I wasn’t sure if it was a bat or a bird at this point due to it being nighttime and dark) Faith called me, ensured me that she could help because she “grew up dealing with bats”. Unexpected, yet convenient. She lives around the corner, so she said she’d come over and help me out. She stayed on the phone with me and listened as I opened my bedroom door, stuck my head around the corner, took a deep breath, and ran for my front door. I hurried down the hallway and all the stairs and met her at the back door of the complex to let her in, and we walked back upstairs together.
We opened the door to my apartment and stopped in the hallway (near the only light I managed to turn on in my panicky exit from my apartment 2 min earlier). Faith, equipped with snapchat, and I, equipped with a dry mouth and high blood pressure, waited for the thing to show itself. When we saw it, it was FLYING AROUND IN MY LIVING ROOM and I was pretty convinced it was just a bird. But she was more convinced it was a bat. For the next 30 minutes, we cowered in the hallway discussing what the hell we should do and ducking when it flew within 10 feet of us.
During those 30 min we spent cowering/ducking, Faith and I managed to come up with a theory that the bat - we finally agreed it was, in fact, a bat - had gotten in through a hole in my ceiling (see the picture below) and was probably hiding in the giant air ducts that give my apartment the quaint and slightly industrial feel that I love so much…. ha. We also named him Henry.
Unsure of the right move, I texted my neighbor Rachael and asked if she was home. When she replied yes, I informed her of my UFA situation. She asked if we needed help, but before I could answer, she and her S.O Santiago were at my door. Once they got there, Henry must have been feeling shy because he disappeared, making me and Faith look like crazy people. (Hi, neighbors I barely know, can you come over late at night and help me with my “bat” problem? ~insert creepy music~)
My neighbors explained that the ducts are connected to my furnace, and feed from the living room/kitchen to my BEDROOM. To be clear, that means if lil Henry was, in fact, crawling around inside the ducts and then randomly flying out for his own personal enjoyment and my own personal freaking terror, then he could also crawl, via the ducts, to my BEDROOM and FLY AROUND in there. Note: That’s where I had put my cats to ensure they weren’t bitten, so then I had to try to move them…………
Anyway, my neighbors were a huge help - they had the thought to open a window, turn on some lights, and bang on the ducts with some brooms (I have very high ceilings so these ducts are like at least 10 feet above my head). I had moved the cats to my bathroom, and after about 7 minutes of us all walking around looking for stupid Henry and banging on ducts and being confused, I told the neighbors they could go - no sense in wasting both our time. They were kind and left their broom (a priceless weapon against bats …?) and said I could knock if Henry came back. So, yet again, Faith and I were alone. And Henry was MIA.
Faith and I turned off some of the lights and sat on the floor of the living room quietly freaking out and trying to decide what to do. The window was still open, letting freezing cold air into my apartment, hopefully beckoning Henry outside to bigger and battier things. Eventually, I decided to run back downstairs and grab a slip of paper from the envelope taped to the wall by the mailboxes - it had the emergency maintenance number for the complex on it. (One I hadn’t ever needed.. ‘till now.) I hurried back upstairs and found Faith armed with a broom, standing in the front hallway of my apartment in the dark. I called the emergency maintenance line and (long, boring story short) couldn’t get ahold of anyone. Right after I hung up the phone, Henry reappeared. He came out of NOWHERE and dived at me and Faith’s heads. She panicked. I panicked. We ran OUT OF MY APARTMENT and spilled into the hallway a heavy-breathing, panic-stricken, terrified mess. Immediately realizing that our squeals and panic-running was probably deafening to our poor neighbors, I felt like a dummy. Now we had disturbed my neighbors AND lost Henry! Did he fly out the front door of my apartment? Out the window? Back to his evil, sneaky, unreachable hiding place? We had no idea… As expected, Rachael and Santiago heard the commotion and came to see what we were hysterically whisper-screaming about in the hallway. They came in again to help us, but yet again, Henry was gone. Again, they went back to their apartment. (Again, Faith and I look like crazy people).
Back inside my apartment, the next call was to Animal control. But I live in Blair, population 250, so there’s no 24-hour animal control. That left 911. 911 gave me the number of “the Batmen” and wished me luck. The Batmen didn’t answer. :(
So now, over an hour into this ordeal, I was annoyed and tired and determined to be rid of Henry once and for all. It dawned on me that I hadn’t pursued one very obvious solution to the problem — moving out. Just kidding. I hadn’t prayed yet. I mean, God made bats, so God could get this bat out of my apartment and back wherever it belonged. So, I prayed. I called on the name of the Lord to make this bat disappear for good. That may have been a tad dramatic, but it lowered my heart-rate and helped me think a bit clearer.
Faith and I then turned off all the lights (again), sat down in the hallway (our unofficial safe zone) and started googling. How to attract bats, how to trap bats, what they like, what they don’t like, where they vacation, what kind of coffee they like, etc. I called the Batmen one more time for good measure, to no avail. I figured if we were quiet and left the place dark for long enough, if Henry was still in there, he would start flying around again and maybe just find his way out on his own. 45 min later we hadn’t heard any noises or witnessed any flying objects. I put peppermint oil in a diffuser because the internet says bats hate mint. Faith played bat sounds off youtube to try and draw him out, and NOTHING. So, Faith went home.
I was 99% convinced that it had either flown out into the complex (lol) or out the window when we panic-ran out earlier. 99% sure was sure enough to get me back in my bed, asleep. It might have taken me an hour to lower my blood pressure and heart rate. I might have left all my lights on, I might have turned on the ceiling fan in my bedroom to deter any winged creatures from taking up residence in my room while I slept, and I also might have worn a jacket with the hood pulled up over my head ~just in case~ but for the next 5 hours, I slept. More or less.
At 6:30am, my phone rang, waking me up. I recognized the number as the Batmen, so I answered. Jason was on the other line, and said he’d gotten my message last night and he could be at my place in an hour. Groaning internally at the fact that my Saturday was now beginning at 6:30am, I dragged myself out of bed, motivated by the prospect of being 100% sure that I reside in a bat-free home. I brushed my teeth, fixed my hair, cleaned up some of the mis-placed items from last night, and made some coffee. Jason, the most normal person I’ve ever met, (thank God) showed up with a bucket, gloves, and a ladder. He looked around the apartment and agreed that the hole in my ceiling where the sprinkler system comes in is probably where the bat came in. (+1 point for the panic-runners) He also explained that while there are some things he can do, there’s no way to really guarantee that I’m bat-free since they can fit through dime-sized holes and also squeeze themselves down flat… (Cool cool. cool. Cool cool cool.) Basically, they can fit anywhere. While I was pretty sure Henry wasn’t still around, I just wanted him to make sure and also make sure that Henry didn’t start a family or invite his bro’s over or something. Jason told me he could look in some of the obvious places, but until I actually saw Henry again, that’s all he could do. Understandable. Reasonable. But please, yes, Jason, go ahead and check LITERALLY EVERYWHERE anyway, I’ll wait. Thanks.
We started in the front hall. (Our unofficial safe zone, remember?) Jason extended his ladder, climbed up it and checked the storage space above the closet. While Henry wasn’t there, Jason had a great vantage point to see the top of the DUCTS. He looked at me from his ladder and said “well, I have good news and bad news… I found it.” Queue me internally SCREAMING that I had released my cats and also slept, vulnerable and unaware, with a freaking live, whole a$$ bat STILL IN MY APARTMENT. (+1 point for the UFA) Outwardly, I managed to keep my cool with a nonchalant “oh! well… yeah that’s good!” Jason had me scoop up my cats and go in my room so that he could catch Henry. 2 seconds later, he told me it was safe, so I came out and got to look at Henry, trapped in the bucket. (+1 point for Jason Bateman. I mean, Jason from The Batmen*)
That’s where Henry was sleeping this morning when Jason found him! (note the giant air ducts that give my apartment the quaint and slightly industrial feel that I love oh so much)
Byeeeee, Henry!
Meet Henry!! :) (he’s in a bucket that has a plastic insert in it to keep him contained in the bottom 1 inch of the bucket.)
This experience taught me a lot.
Bats hibernate in the winter, so really, Henry was just taking a break from his nap to find some water and then he was gonna go back to sleep but he got lost :(
only 1% of bats carry rabies
if you ever end up in a similar situation (despite the hilarity, I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to deal with this lol), it really is best to trap the bat - they’re protected animals, so if you can trap it and call someone to come collect it and release it, that’s best for the bat, and you!
If you DO get bit, they’ll want to test the bat for rabies, so try not to let it go, if that can be avoided. A pillowcase, shoebox, or bucket will do the trick. They aren’t very strong!
As I mentioned, they are SNEAKY. They can fit in very very small spaces, and while they look big (and scary, in my personal opinion) when they’re flying, their bodies are really only the size of a MOUSE.
As I process this, I’m left with a few thoughts.
Did this really happen?
But really, did it?????????????
I worked from home all day. How long had the bat been here?! HOW LONG??
DID IT CRAWL FROM THE HOLE ACROSS THE CEILING TO THE DUCTS WHILE I WAS OBLIVIOUS ON THE COUCH?
OR DID IT FLY OUT OF THE HOLE AND AROUND MY APARTMENT WHILE I SLEPT PEACEFULLY?! OH GOD
WHAT THE HELL
If I had a dollar for every time anyone involved in this situation in any way referenced that episode of the office when Michael traps a bat with a pillowcase on Meredith’s head, I’d be rich.
^ Same goes for that vine of the girl going “it’s frickin’ bats!”
Thank God for Faith, my neighbors, and Jason. Specifically not thankful for my unhelpful apartment complex emergency maintenance thing.
This is me and Faith before she went home. I was lookin a little haggard due to being woken up by a UFA and then being panic stricken for 3 hours so I pulled my hoodie up over my face to hide some of the haggard-ness but Faith thought I was doing it because I farted and that made us laugh then I took this picture. The end.
If you ever run into a similar situation, I highly recommend Jason and Joe from The Batmen!!!
http://www.thebatmen.com/?fbclid=IwAR0i8Q_dwXv-mPUDngx-OyejZ9xz4WwUf_17pQl3SzA9aXf1kP_6WKezvug